A Weekend to Remember

Sometimes, God calls us to go completely out of our comfort zone. So far away from it, we have no choice but to be totally reliant upon Him. And when we are that reliant upon Him, we know He wont let us go. He teaches us to trust Him, to hold on and enjoy the ride. He is in complete control!

A few weeks ago, maybe a little longer, my wonderful mother in law (also, the brave leader of our women's ministry) asked if I would help her with a retreat.

The very first retreat of our women's minstry.

And not just to help. To speak.

I quickly agreed. I had been praying for opportunities such as this. To be dragged out of my comfort zone, even if I was kicking and screaming.

Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last.

I studied my material for the two sessions I was asked to lead. Praying that God would calm my fears, my ball of nerves. I was sick to my stomach the whole week before this retreat!

The first one was somewhat simple. It was a game. It was the 2nd session of our overnight retreat. I lead the ladies in a game that helped them get to know each other better. The most talking I did was giving instructions. I still felt nervous, considering talking in front of people is not something I've ever done. Once I started speaking, I felt His peace. The peace only He can give. He calmed this shy girls nerves.

The night ended. Everything went smoothly and we were all having so much fun!! I was nervous for day 2. I had a big session coming. A lot of talking, sharing... But I prayed that God would take these nerves so I could enjoy my time with the special ladies. I wanted to enjoy this weekend as much as I could!

Day 2 came. I woke up, sick to my stomach. I prayed. My session was coming up at 1pm. Plenty of time to calm down. And pray. I wasn't about to try this without my God. He called me here, to do just this. I'm holding on to Him as tight as I can, every second of this day.

I check my phone and watch a video my husband sent me. The girls are telling me that they are praying for Mommy. They love me and they're praying for me. I cry. I read an encouraging text from one of my best friends, Jenifer. She's lifting me up in prayer, she says just the right words. I smile and thank God for technology.

It was almost my time to go on & I feel it. Those emotions that I've been fighting off all day. All it took was my dear friend, Bethanie, asking if I was ok. I cried. Couldn't breathe. She hugged me, as tight as she could. Then took me outside & prayed. We prayed together & in that moment I gave thanks. I was thankful for Bethanie, such a sweet, darling friend. I was thankful for His peace, comfort. I was thankful for a moment to just be still, and focus on Him.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

I felt prepared. Ready. I felt Him in control.

I sit in front of the women. We sing praises to God. My friend Beth, one of my dearest friends, leads us in prayer. She prays that God would lead my session, guide my words. I thank Him. I start into my material. I feel Him, I'm speaking calmly. No shaking. I feel confident & most importantly, I'm not forgetting my words!! I'm right on path, enjoying teaching the women about Sarai. And how God changed her name. He set her on a new path, even though she doubted Him. I talked about how God sets us on a new path when we become Christians. When we put our faith and trust in Him. We are new! The old is gone, the new has come.

I had prepared to share my testimony. Something I've never, ever done before. I can count on one hand how many people I've shared this with. But He has called us to tell others about Him, His goodness, His saving grace.

I fight it. I fear judgement. I feel God pull my focus back to Him and the words start spilling out of my mouth. With tears streaming and my chin quivering, I tell what He has done in my life.

I tell about a time when I turned my back to God. Not just for a week, for a few years. I try to do life on my own, thinking I knew best. I made decisions that I'm ashamed of. It hurts so bad to say these things out loud because it hurts to think I lived that way. How could I ever think life would be better without Him?? After a long journey down a very dark road, I finally make a good decision. I turn back to Him. I give my life back to Him, I rededicate. Who I am today didn't happen overnight. It's been a long road, but I have learned so many lessons, so much about who I am in Him, and who He is.

I am a sinner, saved by grace. He has set me on a new path.

I cry through the entire testimony. I look into the eyes of the women in front of me and can't see a dry eye. It hurts to think about who we were before Christ. I was comforted in knowing these women share this same knowledge. We were all sinners, saved by grace.

We break into groups and have some discussion time. My mother in law finds me and says the perfect words. More tears fall and I take time to thank God for her. My friends find me. Hugs, tears & encouraging words are between us all. I thank God for them. I take a moment to pull myself together. I thank God for leading me through those moments. The moments I could never do on my own.

How far I've come. I tried to do life on my own. Now I know better than to do simple moments on my own.

My session ends & I breathe again. Normal, relaxed breaths.

It was a weekend I'll always remember. He was with us all, teaching us, guiding us. Friendships grew, some began.

To God be the glory. Every bit of it. Thank you, Lord!

The perfect ending to this weekend - My little brother, David, was saved. :) Praise the Lord!! We are all so excited for him!